Bar Jokes

Two Pretzels

Two pretzels walk into a bar. One was assaulted.

Two Vampires

Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the bartender. "I'll have a glass of blood," said one. "I'll have a glass of plasma", said the other. "Okay," replied the bartender, "that'll be...one Blood and one Blood Lite..."

Mean Monkey

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the drink from him before he is able to stop the monkey. The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies, "The piano player." The man walks over to the piano player and says, "Do you know your monkey stole my drink?" The pianist replies, "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it."

Brain

A brain walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a drink, please." The barman looks at him and says, "Sorry, I can't serve you." The brain asks, "Why not?" The barman replies, "You're already out of your head."

Yogurt

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who was a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here." One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."

Number Twelve

A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a drink. "Sorry, I can't serve you," states the barman. "Why not?" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice. The barman replies, "You're under 21."